Wednesday, June 30, 2010

136 - Use MOUSE with COMPUTER

You pull out your MOUSE and talk to HER for a minute. (Or is it a HE? You really don't want to check.) You ask the MOUSE to plug into the COMPUTER so that you don't have to suffer through that MEME BOMBARDMENT via the AI.

Thankfully the little gal appears to be quite scuzzy. Or should I say she's a SMALL COMPUTER SYSTEM INTERFACE RODENT? In any case, she seems entirely able to (by some inexplicable fashion) plug into the computer. While you've never used a control like this before, the MOUSE seems fully ready to help you shut down all TRASH COMPACTORS on the DETENTION LEVEL.

Oh, crap. This thing is protected by a PASSWORD.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

135 - b a l337 h4x0r

Since you're in HERE anyway, you decide to make use of your rather elite HACKING SKILLS. You have those, right? Well, it's kinda moot since there's no KEYBOARD or visible CONTROLS. Maybe it's voice activated?

JILL: Computer!
COMP: o hai!
JILL: Oh, good! I wasn't sure you could talk.
COMP: o rly?
JILL: Yeah, really. Did, did you just start playing music?
COMP: rickroll!
JILL: Stop that, just--- oh, thanks, it stopped.
JILL: Argh! Please! At least turn down the volume! The bass is killing me.
JILL: Grr. Whatever. How do I get you to actually do something useful?
JILL: I have to feed you a cheeseburger? Anything else?
JILL: Oh, come on! If you don't help me, I'm gonna---
JILL: I won't, just stop that! Was Elliot--- Am I asking too many questions?
JILL: Who wrote all that stuff on the walls?
COMP: ask a ninja.
JILL: Well, how did Elliot get out?
JILL: That's it, log off! Shut up! Stop talking!
COMP: whut no. EPIC FAIL!
JILL: Please?
COMP: k thanx bye

Worst AI ever. EVER.


Monday, June 28, 2010

134 - Finish going UP

You reach the top of the LADDER after what seems like a whole WEEKEND of climbing and climb out of a HINGED GRATE into a CONTROL ROOM. It kinda looks like the one you saw through the WINDOW in your ROOM, back an hour or so ago.

On the wall are a series of SCREENS. There is also a BUTTON, labeled "EMERGENCY EXIT." This one has not been pressed via an elaborate series of INVENTORY MANIPULATION EVENTS, nor pressed in any other fashion (I mean, really, since we're on the topic and all).

There is a DOOR leading out of the room to the SOUTHEAST and a WINDOW on the FOURTH WALL showing...
Oh, it's another ROOM kinda like yours.... Hmm. This one still contains a BED, TABLE, HEART MUG, and GO SIGN, but that's about it. There's RED WRITING all over the WALLS and FLOOR. It's kinda obvious that this was the LATE ELLIOT'S ROOM. His ROOM's DOOR is partially blown up. Also, partially on fire. Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser.

Why the heck didn't he take the HEART MUG and GO SIGN? Was his INVENTORY full? Who would leave behind perfectly useful stuff like that?

Well, you're still in the CONTROL ROOM. What do you want to do?

(Note: Your STEALTH LEVEL INDICATOR GEM is not currently visible because there is no one to hide from. Duh.)

(Another Note: You can see the NORTH WALL of ELLIOT'S ROOM because... BECAUSE.)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Thursday, June 24, 2010

133 - Go UP

This is the alt text. Awesome!
You violently curse at RHYS O'CALLAHAN, filling another 1/3 of your SWEAR JAR (now 2/3 full).

In your IMAGINATION, you wish that your STYLIZER was, in fact, a STYLASER, which would be a totally wicked awesome weapon/fashion accessory. With your STYLASER you'd cut through the BLAST DOORS (since LIGHT SABERS can cut through anything (other than BESKAR, CORTOSIS, PHRIK, or LOVE)). Man. That would be sweet.

(The DUCK disapproves of this whimsical NERD INDULGENCE.)

You head UP the LADDER.

Man. This is a long LADDER.

A really, really long LADDER.

Yeah, you're going to be going up this LADDER until MONDAY.

(You make a MENTAL NOTE that should you ever find your friend ALAN, you need to convince him to make the STYLASER HAIR DRYER-LIGHTSABER a reality. He could do that.)

>Finish going UP

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

132 - Go WES--- You know WHAT? I think it's obvious what we're gonna do here. All we ever do is go WEST! I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF GOING WEST! ARGH!

You proceed west.
You find yourself in a DUCTWORK ROOM with LADDERS and a STRANGE LOOKING D--- Wait. Is that

JILL: Rhys? Rhys O'Callahan?
RHYS: What? Wha--- how did you find me?
JILL: What are you doing here? Why are you working on that D---
RHYS: I came down here to get away from everyone! So I could work undisturbed on the final stages of my---
JILL: Rhys! It's me, Jill! Don't you remember me?
RHYS: Jill? Whatever! You're probably just here to interfere with my work on the---
JILL: Rhys, get a hold of yourself!
RHYS: I can't let you interfere with my work! You'll just ruin my D---
JILL: Wait! No!

The MAN activates a SWITCH and a set of BLAST DOORS descend, blocking off the middle of the room.

You pull out THE STYLIZER and set it to TURBO HEAT in frustration. Those BLAST DOORS are sealed tight, so there's no way you can get through to RHYS and his... well, you'll just call it a PLOT DEVICE for now. RHYS seems different... but just as infuriating as ever!


To the WEST is a DEAD END, sealed off as it is by the BLAST DOORS. Exits are EAST (which just seems wrong) and UP.

Yeah, you're going UP.

>Go UP

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


PITS are meant to be CROSSED, and if PITFALL HARRY taught you anything, it was that swinging on VINES was THE BEST AND ONLY WAY to do so. You tie a LOOP in the end of your GARDEN HOSE and whip your HOSE LASSO/VINE/WHIP up to the HOOK, catching it and testing to make sure that it's tight.

Oh, man... you've wanted to do this since you were five, playing on your old ATARI. Not because swinging looked particularly fun. Just because you wanted to spite that freakin' SCORPION....


You continue WEST.


Monday, June 21, 2010

130 - Go WEST (Again)

Moving your SCREWS to the same pocket as your SCREWDRIVER (which, in retrospect, makes more sense than keeping them separate), you free up a small MOUSE APARTMENT for your new friend, the SMALL MOUSE. You do not think about throwing him into the FAN for more than a few seconds, even though the constant video gaming of your youth has desensitized you to violence over the years. He quickly darts into his hole for a MINIATURE CHAIR and TELEVISION, installing them in his new home. Following this, you equip your SWEAR JAR as a LANTERN and head WEST. Come to think of it, WEST is the only direction you've moved so far. It's like you have a weird fixation on it.

After a bit, the DUCT begins to slope sharply downward. Up ahead you see a LIGHT....

You are in a small DUCTWORK ROOM. Not much here, really. Just an ELECTRIFIED POOL and a strange HOOK THING coming down from the DARKNESS above. This is ridiculous. Simply ridiculous. Who builds an ELECTRIFIED POOL into their UNDERWATER COMPLEX? In to the METAL DUCTWORK, even! Gah. Why isn't the floor electrified? This makes no sense. This is using... oh. Video game logic. Of course! This obstacle is a variation on some old school stuff. It'll just take a moment to pass it....


Sunday, June 20, 2010

129 - Converse with SMALL MOUSE

You kneel down and offer your HAND as a PLATFORM for the SMALL MOUSE. The MOUSE, sensing your Generally Good alignment, does not fear you, accepting your offer and climbing onto your HAND. (Your alignment isn't entirely favorable, but compared to most of the CANDAEMONS that the MOUSE generally sees around here, you're a SAINT.) You begin conversing in hushed tones.

JILL: Hello, there.
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Oh, you're just a normal mouse.
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Huh. Well, how about this: one squeek for yes and two for no. OK?"
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Good! Just a quick question, I guess. Are there any HEADCRABS down here?
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Oh--- oh, my. Are you sure???
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Just one or--- There are a lot of them, aren't there?
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Oh my! Well, have you seen a CROWBAR around? Say, behind the SPINNING FAN? Maybe a RED ONE? Like the one most famously wielded by the famed HEADCRAB-GENOCIDIST, the fictional DOCTOR GORDON FREEMAN?
MOUSE: "Squeek!"
JILL: Thank you, my small friend.

>Go WEST (Again)

128 - Explore DUCTWORK

As you watch, it becomes apparent that progress above the VENT would be... problematic. As more and more CANDIMPS (yeah, you're calling them that) file out from the STAIRS, you abandon the several CLEVER PLANS that you came up with to deal with them. Good lord, there's, like, seven of them! And there are more coming!

M. BISON seems to have things under control with his "hiding." You don't really have a choice right now as to whether you can bring him along. With any luck, he'll find a chance to slip away on his own and meet up with you. Good luck, LIEUTENANT. Godspeed.

You pocket the SCREWS that you had obviously been holding in your hand. You then duck down the duck. The duct. You meant the "duct."
You find yourself in some DIMLY LIT DUCTWORK. Above you is a LADDER to the VENT in the HUB ROOM. To your left is a PIT, descending into DARKNESS. You can't see the bottom. Further left, the DUCT continues. But again, there's a whole ton of DARKNESS (which you briefly consider attacking). Anything could be over there. Waiting. Watching. Wanting to eat your BRAINS.... Gah. Years of video game reflexes kick in. You are on HIGH ALERT for HEADCRABS.

To the right, you see a SMALL MOUSE and its associated MOUSE HOLE. How it gnawed through the metal of the DUCT, you have no idea. Aww. It's so cute. Beyond is a spinning FAN, and you can barely make out that there is another DUCT large enough for you to traverse behind it. What should you do?

Friday, June 18, 2010

??? - Meanwhile

This picture shows what I actually look like. I glow. It makes playing a rogue while LARPing quite difficult.
You are now (briefly) a much beloved INTERNET WEBCOMIC CREATOR. Having teleported into your LUXURIOUS CHAMBER OF ARTISTRY, you log onto your WICKED AWESOME WEBSITE and look what SUGGESTIONS have been made by your ESTEEMED READERSHIP.

Oh my.

There is no way you can do all of this tonight.

Instead, you opt to COP OUT with a brief FOURTH-WALL BREAK, allegedly to introduce a concept which will change the very course of global events. Your AUTHORIAL DECREE is as follows:
  • Hi, everybody! Thanks for reading Wicked Awesome Adventure! Due to the constraints of time and space, some turns will now carry over from one day to the next. While I try to include as much progress as I can from day to day, it is just not possible to consistently have as much new art and text as doing so necessitates. So keep putting in suggestions and I'll keep working them in as best I can, but posts will likely be a bit shorter, with a "single turn" (or series of suggestions) lasting longer than a day if needed. When I see good (feasible) ideas that I like, I'll carry them over to the next day (or they may pop up later), so keep suggesting whatever pops into your collective heads! Thanks!
Your DECREE complete, you make the POST and teleport to your ENORMOUS VAULT to count your MILLIONS OF VARIOUS MONIES made from the world's greatest website, WICKED AWESOME ADVENTURE.

>(You can't control me!)

    Thursday, June 17, 2010


    First off, you grab the LIGHT GEM off the floor. M. BISON questions you on its use; is it some kind of light source? No. No, it isn't. The LIGHT GEM (hereafter referred to as the STEALTH LEVEL INDICATOR GEM (but not as the S.L.I.G., because that sounds dumb)) is quite similar to the "LIGHT GEM"

    from the hit video game series "THIEF," which is your favorite game of all time. Well, the second one, actually. GARRETT is so dreamy.... Anyway, the STEALTH LEVEL INDICATOR GEM shows how hidden you are. This particular model has four settings, ranging from "OH CRAP I'M DEAD MEAT" YELLOW to "I'M A BETTER NINJA THAN A CERTAIN DOCTOR" BLACK. So, that being explained (summary: the gem shows how hidden you are), you place it in your CLEAVAGE so that it's always easy for you to see.

    Next, you dart back into the UNDERWATER TUNNEL and grab the STOP SIGN, combining it with your TRAFFIC CONE to make a... STOP SIGN ON A TRAFFIC CONE. You stick it at the top of the STAIRS and hurry on.

    You scoop up the NINJA STARS, since LATE NINJA ELLIOT doesn't seem to need them. But you give him your WALKIE TALKIE in exchange.

    The footsteps coming up the STAIRS are getting louder!

    You use your SCREWDRIVER to remove the SCREWS on the FLOOR GRATE and pry it open. It's not as deep as you anticipated, so you can just hop in and crouch. It's ninja enough for your STEALTH LEVEL INDICATOR GEM to read BLACK, so you're good and hidden. M. BISON hides with the simple expedient of BEING A STUFFED ANIMAL.
    A large HELMETED CANDAEMON (with a DRILL ARM) and two smaller CAND...IMPS(?) have reached the top of the STAIRS. They stop at the STOP SIGN that you erected and proceed to poke at it. They seem perplexed and chat quietly among themselves about how to proceed. They appear at least vaguely threatening, but it doesn't look like they have any intention of turning around any time soon... but you can't be sure....

    Should you continue hiding? Or explore the VENT? Or come out and sneak off? Or, really, anything at all? I mean, your options are TECHNICALLY STAGGERING!

    Wednesday, June 16, 2010

    126 - Go WEST

    You proceed to the WEST and find yourself in a CIRCULAR HUB, illuminated (mostly) by four TORCHES. There are a series of numbered DOORWAYS in the wall; you just emerged from #4. There is an additional DOORWAY leading to a LADDER going up. A STAIRCASE proceeds down, as does what appears to be a FLOOR VENT screwed into the floor.

    Oh my! Near the center of the room is a CORPSE. It looks like a NINJA who has been stabbed, and quite recently, too. According to his SHIRT, he was named ELLIOT. A TANTO BLADE sticks out of his CHEST, presumably the cause of death. Near him are three NINJA STARS and a LIGHT GEM, which is gleaming brightly, indicating that it (and its possessor) are not well hidden at all. Poor guy. Oh, and he has a purple WICKED AWESOME HANDKERCHIEF in a pocket on his WICKED AWESOME NINJA SUIT. This place may be more dangerous than you had given it credit for.

    Additionally, there are four STATUES of--- RHYS? Whu--- how--- why---? Why are there statues of your friend RHYS in a STRANGE COMPLEX near the bottom of the OCEAN (or wherever)? Each has a small PLAQUE on its base, though they are written in a STRANGE LANGUAGE that you cannot make out. This is quite a MYSTERY and one that you are positive will be solved eventually!

    Uh oh. You hear the sound of several "people" coming up the STAIRWAY from below. You probably have time to do a thing or two before they get all the way up, but you'd better hurry!

    (The DUCK watches disapprovingly. Perhaps you are more interesting (or in need of disapproval) than that ANGLERFISH?)


    Tuesday, June 15, 2010

    125 - Pay off WAGER, then LOOT and CRAFT

    First things first: a bet is a bet. You order M. BISON to drop off the five VARIOUS MONIES that you wagered to the NONOPTIC CANDAEMON. Hopefully it'll go towards his MEDICAL BILL. Even more hopefully, maybe he has INSURANCE. Your BISON is pleased with your decision to fulfill your end of your WAGER. +1 PET SATISFACTION!

    While M. BISON nibbles on the WALKIE-TALKIE, you pick up the SABER and HORNS. You think you might just be able to make use of them...

    (ANGLERFISH 1: Wake up.)
    (The ANGLERFISH wakes up. He just had the weirdest thing happen to him. Minor heart attack or something. He decides to watch his HEART HEALTH. He'll flip over in a moment... just... give him a minute.)
    You combine the HORNS with LIEUTENANT M. BISON to create LIEUTENANT M. BISON WITH DEMON HORNS. He is now a fully armed and operational BATTLE BISON! He is very pleased with this upgrade and hopes it will help him serve you better.

    You also utilize your seven SCREWS (with your SCREWDRIVER) to combine the SABER and your HAIRDRYER to create a new weapon--- THE STYLIZER. This is a fashion accessory to murder. It blows hot air, cold air, and dead air, with a two foot long attachment great for dealing with tough hair tangles or Gordian knots. THE STYLIZER: Slice with style.

    (ANGLERFISH 2: Look around.)
    (The ANGLERFISH has a vague memory of something scaring him, so he looks around. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe something about a... DUCK? At this depth? No DUCK could survive the pressure. Surely it was just his imagination... surely....)

    You scoop up the WALKIE TALKIE and listen to it. Someone is demanding to know if everything is under control where you are. They sound very official. You decide to GUILE ATTACK the problem head on.

    JILL: Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal.
    RADIO: What happened?
    JILL: Uh, I had a slight... weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
    RADIO: We're sending a squad up.
    JILL: Uh, uh... negative, negative. We had a person come out of the room over there, give us a few minutes to... finish eating them. Large guy, very dangerous.
    RADIO: Who is this? What's your Candaemon operating number?
    JILL: Uh...

    You turn off the WALKIE TALKIE.

    JILL: Boring conversation anyway.

    You decide to continue WEST. You wonder what the next room will hold....

    (ANGLERFISH 3: Go west.)
    (The ANGLERFISH decides to go about his business, luring in fish with his ILLICIUM. He decides to focus on food which won't be so bad on his system. He's too young to die. He has a family and a wife that loves him. Man, he better hurry or he'll miss JUNIOR'S little league game. Plus, ANGLERFISH knows that he's only two weeks from retirement from his job with the ANGLERFISH POLICE FORCE. Two weeks. He's almost there.)

    >Go WEST

    Monday, June 14, 2010


    There's really only one course of action.

    JILL: Hey, I bet you five VARIOUS MONEY that you can't repeat that trick of yours with this "FUNNEL" and "SUSHI."
    MC: Not for that much money! Maybe for five times that much!
    JILL: . . .
    MC: . . .
    JILL: I bet you one VARIOUS MONEY that you can't repeat that trick of yours with this "FUNNEL" and "SUSHI."
    MC: Not for that much money! Maybe for five times that much!
    JILL: Done. Here's five VARIOUS MONEY.
    MC: Wh--- oh. Huh.

    The MONOPTIC CANDAEMON takes your TRAFFIC CONE and DEAD FISH. Your 5 VM bet is held in escrow by M. BISON, who is a LEGALLY NEUTRAL BYSTANDER.

    MC: Oh, man. I sure hope this works this time and doesn't permanently blind my other EYE.


    The MONOPTIC CANDAEMON is now the UNCONSCIOUS BLIND CANDAEMON with a DEAD FISH in one EYE SOCKET. The brief process that led to this was not pretty, and definitely not something anyone would want to see animated. You and M. BISON are STUNNED for 6 seconds.

    When he fell during his... PERFORMANCE, the CANDAEMON hit his head pretty hard against the wall, shattering his HORNS. They now lie on the floor next to him. His other INVENTORY ITEMS are also scattered nearby. Littering the floor is his RUSTY SABER, the aforementioned HORNS, the STOP SIGN, your TRAFFIC CONE/WIZARD HAT, and a WALKIE-TALKIE which seems to be trying to get the CANDAEMON'S attention. There is also a DEAD FISH... that you could probably get... but... you probably don't want to get that. Also, M. BISON is still guarding your 5 VM for the WAGER. He watches you intently.

    >Pay off WAGER, then LOOT and CRAFT

    Sunday, June 13, 2010

    121-123 - Show him WHAT FOR!

    121 - Show him WHAT FOR!
    You switch your HAIR DRYER to the closest thing to a WHAT FOR setting--- TURBO HEAT.

    JILL USES: TURBO HEAT! It's not very effective...

    122 - Check CHANGE SLOT
    Perhaps you need to rethink your strategy. And what helps you think? Caffeine. You check the CHANGE SLOT for coins. There's something in there! What luck!


    What a windfall (you guess)! This is sure some strange looking money. But you decipher its value and pop 5 VM into the MACHINE. With due diligence and attention to duty, the MACHINE spits out a CAN OF 1 UP. You scoop it up and pop it open so fast that it doesn't even have time to get a new turn.

    You drink the ONE UP from the ONE UP CAN. You feel like you can take on the world! And while you feel like you would still most likely fail, you feel like you'd be able to take another crack at it consequence-free. Also, you feel more magical. Deja vu.

    123 - Ask CANDAEMON about his EYE
    You head back over to the MONOPTIC CANDAEMON and inquire as to why he's MONOPTIC. As you approach, he pulls out a STOP SIGN. You wisely stop moving before crossing THE LINE.

    JILL: Hey, so, what happened to your EYE?
    MC: There was an unfortunate accident involving a FUNNEL, some SUSHI, and a SMALL WAGER.
    JILL: . . .
    MC: You asked! Besides, I'd bet I'm not even supposed to be talking to you.
    JILL: Why's that?
    MC: Well, I'm supposed to eat anyone who emerges from that door over there, like you just did. At least I think you emerged from over there.... I have pretty bad DEPTH PERCEPTION.

    (Meanwhile LIEUTENANT M. BISON works on solving a small conundrum he's discovered. It's obvious that you're pretty far underwater. Using a GENERAL WATER CLARITY MOCKUP he created in his FLUFFY BRAIN, he calculates that given the AMBIENT LIGHT from the SURFACE, as well as the OBSERVABLE ECOLOGICAL STRATUM, the TUNNEL is about 350 fathoms deep, or about 1500 feet. Given that, he quickly calculates an outside water pressure of 680 psi. How then, given this pressure, can the existent cracks (especially in the ostensibly GLASS TUNNEL) not cause a catastrophic pressure breach, flooding the TUNNEL? M. BISON cannot account for this discrepancy; his degree in MILITARY ENGINEERING is unable to solve this puzzle. He decides not to bring these questions to his SUPREME COMMANDER'S attention. She's busy enough.)


    Saturday, June 12, 2010

    120 - Reveal BUSINESS END of HAIR DRYER

    You're not having the best day of your life. In reverse order, you've realized that your previous (next) action was unnecessary, you solved a stupid puzzle, you sprang a leak in your room, and you woke up in a strange room with... no real memory of what happened before that. Whatever it was, that was probably bad times, too. So, you know what? Let's get dangerous.

    You pull out your BATTERY-POWERED HAIR DRYER and sight it towards the MONOPTIC CANDAEMON.

    JILL: You got yourself two options. Option one, you let me pass. Option two, I switch this puppy to its "what for" setting and give you what for. What's it for? Killing you. That's what. For.

    The MONOPTIC CANDAEMON chuckles.

    This does not seem to be working. And after a quick check, you are pretty confident that there is no actual "what for" setting on your HAIR DRYER.

    Friday, June 11, 2010

    119 - Combine SEETHING ANGER with JUG (EMPTY)

    After removing your MAKESHIFT WIZARD HAT in shame and climbing down the ladder, you place your SEETHING ANGER into the JUG (EMPTY) to create a SWEAR JAR (1/3 FULL). You feel much better now! Bottling up your emotions is definitely the way to go--- in all situations! Also, this way you'll eventually be able to release an EMOTIONAL EXPLOSION ATTACK. That could prove useful, as you have no idea what awaits you outside this room!

    Next, you decide to---
    Lieutenant M. BISON does his CHEAP SLIDING ATTACK back into the room. You can tell that something outside has obviously spooked him. You sooth the savage beast and head out, cautiously.
    You are in an UNDERWATER TUNNEL with an awesome ARCHED GLASS CEILING and GLASS WALLS. Beside the DOOR you just came out of, there is another DOOR marked CONTROL (a CONTROL DOOR, if you will). Beside it is a HAND SCANNER and a BATTERY INDICATOR. On the other side of the CONTROL DOOR is a small POWER OUTLET by the floor. Nearby you see what appears to be a VENDING MACHINE for a drink called 1 UP ("Be renewed---1UP!"). Beside this there is a FILING CABINET. Huh. Oh, and there are some FISH outside your cozy soggy TUNNEL. They're just swimming around out there. You press on to explore the other half of the TUNNEL.
    You are greeted by the sight of a horrific MONSTER. It stands quietly, watching you with its only functional EYE. Its other EYE is covered by a functional EYE PATCH. In one hand, the MONSTER holds a SABER. Could this be one of the CANDAEMONS that the note mentioned would try to eat you? M. BISON does not appear to be in any hurry to get to know the big red guy.

    This end of the TUNNEL is more enclosed. A SIGN on the wall... does not inspire HOPE. A LINE on the floor... does not invite crossing. A FISH on the floor... does not indicate life. Another OUTLET on the wall... does not... well, it doesn't do anything. It's just an OUTLET.

    Man, these new areas sure do give you a lot to think about and do. But that MONOPTIC CANDAEMON will most likely not be content to simply watch you forever.


    Thursday, June 10, 2010

    118 - Check the OTHER VENT

    You move the ladder, climb it, and remove the VENT COVER, pocketing four more SCREWS. Inside you find YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
    Inside is a NOTE with a SMALL KEY taped to it. The note reads:

    In the unlikely event that you have ignored the large sign and have discovered this note while seeking egress, please be aware that it is entirely impossible that you could ever escape from this protective enclosure (without this key). Please do not use this key to exit the room (under the exit sign), as this will almost certainly result in your consumption by Candaemons. Sit tight and a qualified representative will arrive to assist you shortly.

    For the love of the gods, seriously? Seriously? After that whole big thing with the HOSE, WATER, TERRARIUM and BUTTON?

    M. BISON, sensing your anger, has wisely departed the room, taking point in your inevitable exploratory measures.

    And seriously? Is this NOTE serious here? Seriously?


    >Combine SEETHING ANGER with JUG (EMPTY)

    Wednesday, June 9, 2010

    117 - Use HOSE to fill TERRARIUM

    Using your GARDEN HOSE, you empty the JUGS OF WATER through the VENT, through the MESH LID, and into the TERRARIUM itself. You feel like a devilishly clever girl, and you can feel the admiration radiating from M. BISON as he tirelessly holds the LADDER.

    After emptying all four JUGS into the TERRARIUM, it teeters perilously close to breaking. Come on.

    Come on.

    Come on!

    Oh, for the love of---

    The SHELF breaks off and the (now more aptly called) AQUARIUM falls onto the button. A red light begins flashing in the CONTROL ROOM and you can only assume that this means the DOOR will open.

    And it does! The DOOR slides open and you climb back down to the floor. Finally, you're free to leave this soggy room. Really, that flooding was way too slow to be a good motivating force. No dramatic tension at all. Still, small victories are still victories, so you equip your TRAFFIC CONE as a MAKESHIFT WIZARD HAT in celebration. (M. BISON does not approve, but does not want to jeopardize his chances for promotion by mentioning it.)

    The door is open and an apparent corridor awaits!

    >Check the OTHER VENT

    Tuesday, June 8, 2010

    114-116 - Get to the BUTTON!

    114 - Get to the BUTTON!
    Ultra-transparent glass
    OK, so you're trapped in a ROOM that's slowly filling with water and need to get out. The obvious solution lies on the other side of that WINDOW, in what appears to be a CONTROL ROOM. A BUTTON is labeled "Emergency Open," and you can only assume that would open the DOOR. Seems like a fair assessment. There are other MONITORS around, but you can't understand what they're for. Above the BUTTON, on a SHAKY-LOOKING SHELF, sits a long-empty TERRARIUM, with a MESH SCREEN on its top. Hmm. How to get to the button....

    What would your friends do? Well, CAD would probably take the... direct approach. You decide to try it yourself.
    If only it was a LADDER +1
    Your attacks are unsuccessful. The WINDOW appears to be unbreakable.

    Hmm. What would RHYS do?

    115 - Pick up EVERYTHING
    You go around the room and pick up all objects that are not nailed down. You pick up the TRAFFIC CONE, briefly considering using it as a BULLHORN to issue ORDERS to M. BISON. You pick up the BATTERY-POWERED HAIR DRYER. You check it and, yup, it works, and it seems fully charged. You pick up the GARDEN HOSE. You pick up one of the JUGS OF WATER. You attempt to put M. BISON into a pocket, but he's too big. Besides, he seems content to follow you around. Next, you pull out the SCREWDRIVER and---

    Oh, crap. You just pulled out the SCREWDRIVER.
    The lieutenant is dedicated to getting into that box.
    Curse you, RHYS O'CALLAHAN! His kleptomaniacal influence has led to much, much more water flowing into the room!

    116 - Investigate VENT
    Rhys is a bad role model.
    You climb up the LADDER while M. BISON "holds" it. You take out THREE SCREWS that held the VENT COVER and drop them into a pocket. You see that there is a short DUCT with small holes down its length that leads to the CONTROL ROOM. The DUCT is too small for you to fit through, and even too small for the LIEUTENANT. Still this is progress. Which is good, since it looks like that LEAK is getting worse.

    >Use HOSE to fill TERRARIUM