Wednesday, May 31, 2017


You manage to snap off one of the SPIKES from the wall after quite a bit of RELENTLESS EFFORT, unwittingly exploiting the low plasticity common to carbon fiber reinforced polymers to create catastrophic tensile failure. While the one blade pops off, the fact that the entire WALL is filled with rows of (unclimbably thin and sharp) SPIKES (in unrenderable 3D) makes the long-term viability of de-spiking unactionable within your allotted time frame.

On the other hand, the MERCENARY quite ably picks up the JET SKULL WITH SAPPHIRE EYES that he dropped earlier, so that all worked out well.

>Upgrade PIKE, escape PIT

Monday, May 29, 2017

395 - Be CAPTAIN and MERCENARY for reals

The GOOD NEWS is that you are still alive. That pretty much sums up all of the GOOD NEWS.

The BAD NEWS is that your preliminary exploration of the HALL OF DEATHTRAPS (after escaping the whole INCENDIARY MOUSETRAP FIASCO) has dropped both of you into an authentic "PIT WITH MOVING SPIKED WALL" TRAP, which has been slowly closing on you. Very slowly. It's been, like, five minutes and it's still just sort of chugging away toward you. But those CARBON FIBER REINFORCED PLASTIC SPIKES will kill you, eventually.

Also, the MERCENARY broke his LEG during the fall and dropped his JET SKULL, so that's not great, either.

Visible exits are UP.

What do you do?


Friday, May 26, 2017


No, not the PRISONER. I don't care if you've gained more RESEARCHERS. We're going to be the CAPTAIN and the MERCENARY now! Let's try this again.

>Be CAPTAIN and MERCENARY for reals

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

393 - Proceed

As you proceed with the TOUR GROUP, you thank GOODNESS that there were no LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES from your actions in the EXHIBITION HALL. None whatsoever. Everything is copacetic. As you head to the next ROOM, you think about your estranged EXPEDITION MEMBERS.

What could the CAPTAIN and MERCENARY be up to?


Monday, May 22, 2017

392 - Ignore SKULL

As the TOURISTS run past, you remember the GOLD SKULL WITH JET EYES. You shouldn't just leave it there! It belongs in a MUSEUM. A different MUSEUM. But with the CONSTRUCTS closing in, there's just no way to save both IT and YOURSELVES. You order the FEMALE TOURIST (in no uncertain TERMS) to hork the WEAPON FRAGMENT into the LASER GRID to reactivate the SECURITY SYSTEM. She horks it!

It's super effective!

The SECURITY DOORS slam shut and the TOUR GROUP is safe again, at least for the time being. But with your only AVENUE OF EGRESS now blocked, who knows what dangers lie ahead....


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

390 - Grab the GOLDEN SKULL!

As the TOURISTS run past, you remember the GOLD SKULL WITH JET EYES. You can't leave it there! It belongs in a MUSEUM. A different MUSEUM. Determined to swipe rescue it, even at the cost of your own HP, you dash back past the CONSTRUCTS.

You have it! It's more beautiful than you ever imagined.... So beautiful.... So mesmerizing....

>Be... dead?

Monday, May 15, 2017

389 - Re-loot and Run

While you would love to dwell on several SEEMING INCONGRUITIES (such as your aforeunmentioned SECRET MISSION or if there were actual ANSWERS to the RIDDLES), you've already got too many METAPHORICAL IRONS in the equally metaphorical FIRE. Grabbing your precious BOOK and your less-precious PAN FLUTE, you yell to the TOUR GROUP to follow you out of the EXHIBITION HALL. They begin to head your way (EAST).

Apparently, the epic TOURIST vs. CONSTRUCT battle damaged forces on both sides. The MALE TOURIST has been bitten, looking worse for wear. The CONSTRUCTS have been decapitated, impaled, and/or inconvenienced, but they're absolutely implacable! If you don't think of a way to stop them, they'll pursue you to THE (literal?) ENDS OF THE WORLD!

What do you do?


Friday, May 12, 2017

388 - Indulge in IDLE FANCY

While you regret not mentioning your totally explicable 1337 HACKING SKILLS when the CAPTAIN was berating you for being useless, you can still imagine how FREAKIN' SW33T the CAPTAIN would think such SKILLS were. The CAPTAIN be all like, "Wow The Scholar your so gud at haxors better than I could ever be at thems and your pretty."

But you couldn't tell any of your CREWMATES about your SECRET ABILITIES, since that might jeopardize your TOTALLY SECRET SECONDARY MISSION.

>Re-loot and Run

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

387 - Run BLACKHAT.exe

We don't have TIME for poorly-translated ANCIENT RIDDLES!

>Indulge in IDLE FANCY

Friday, May 5, 2017


While the TOUR GROUP distracts the CLAY HOARD, you pick up your BUCKLED HAT and head for the SECURITY PANEL. After all, it wouldn't do to be deprived of your HAT while adventuring. It just isn't done!

With a final upward gesture with your THUMB towards your FLORAL-PRINTED ALLIES, you turn to open the PANEL.

Good buckled goodness. There's a PUZZLE inside.

>Solve the PUZZLE

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

384 - FLASH! A-ah!

Flash! A-ah! They'll save every one of us!


Monday, May 1, 2017

383 - Come up with a PLAN

After a quick scoot away from DANGER, you take mere MOMENTS to come up with a PLAN.

You need to escape these IMPLACABLE CONSTRUCTS. To do so, you'll need to open the SECURITY DOORS. To open them, you'll need to access the SECURITY PANEL. While the ANCIENT FIGURES aren't particularly fast, they aren't particularly slow either. You'll need to lure them away from the PANEL.

But how?

>Get killed by CONSTRUCTS?