Friday, April 28, 2017

382 - Brace for DANGER

That's... that's not bracing for DANGER. That's just lying there, SCHOLAR.

Oh, dear.

>Come up with a PLAN

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

381 - Have a nice TRIP

You are in pain. A SIREN is sounding. There are a lot of RED FLASHING LIGHTS. SECURITY DOORS have slammed shut. You have dropped your INVENTORY.

Surely, surely, this can't get any worse.

>Brace for DANGER

Monday, April 24, 2017


One of the brochures bears the traditional SIGIL OF PERIL, also known as an exclamation point in a triangle. If it truly bears ANCIENT WISDOM, perhaps reading it will save you from some HORRIBLE MISSTEP that would lead to your UNTIMELY DEMISE.
While you can't directly translate the ANCIENT WISDOM, you can sort of tell what it says. I mean, kind of. There's an unpleasant amount of guesswork involved. The main thing that you can glean is that you must not anger the great god KURDZTILTN, lest you face his unbearable, BLOOD-CURDLING WRATH and NIGH-IMMEDIATE VENGEANCE. Staying on his good side shouldn't be too difficult, right? (Also, the PAMPHLET says, don't trigger the SECURITY SYSTEM. It's there for your protection.)

Well, nothing to do now but to walk across the ROOM (without tripping) and head EAST to whatever is---SWEET KURDZTILTN!

>Have a nice TRIP

Friday, April 21, 2017

379 - Plot VENGEANCE

Once, you were whole. Once, you were fresh and minding your own business. Then, the foot came. You were crushed. Now, only one thought remains:



Wednesday, April 19, 2017

378 - Determine ANCIENTNESS

You begin to determine the ANCIENTNESS ATTRIBUTES of the ASWORDED CUTLERY, but your mad SCHOLASTIC SKILLZ go kind of haywire and you date everything in the ROOM. Except the TOURISTS. They're taken.


Monday, April 17, 2017

377 - Fine, forget the MOUSETRAP

With the Quikskim© of the BROCHURE complete, your TOUR is going swimmingly. Your FACTS are, in fact, based on FACTS, and that is proving popular with the TOUR GROUP. But even as you speak with renewed confidence (and with the TOUR GROUP), it's almost like you've found yourself in MEDIA RES, or one of the surrounding boroughs. A quick RECAPITULATION of the ENVIRONS may be in order.

You are in an EXHIBITION HALL (sponsored by Quetzelcolatl©). Three clay MANNEQUINS in AUTHENTIC HISTORICAL GARB stand along the NORTH wall, behind a LASER SECURITY GRID. Two SECURITY CAMERAS keep an eye on everything. A BROCHURE STAND near the door contains BROCHURES (one of which you have taken and read). The two other DISPLAYS in the room contain two FLINTY CLUB-SWORDS and a GOLD SKULL WITH JET EYES.

Exits are WEST (back to the LOBBY where the CAPTAIN© was so mean) and EAST.

What do you do?


Friday, April 14, 2017

376 - Seriously, build a MOUSETRAP

OK, no. We're a CHEESE WEDGE now, I guess? This is ridiculous.

>Fine, forget the MOUSETRAP

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

375 - Build a better MOUSETRAP

You decide to build a MOUSETRAP out of your various INVENTORY ITEMS, including (but not limited to) two DECORATIVE SKULLS, a FROMAGE (PETITE), a PIKE, BITS OF STRING, a---


What are we doing back here? PRISONER, where did you get that EQUIPMENT? Where did you get those SCIENTISTS? This isn't right.  This isn't right at all.

We're getting off track.

>Seriously, build a MOUSETRAP

Monday, April 10, 2017

374 - Barter for FOOD

While the MERCENARY, finished with his SOLILOQUY, continues to wonder about the DEAL with these SKULLS, the CAPTAIN sees a possible solution to their MONETARY SLASH COMESTIBLE PROBLEMS.

The CAPTAIN offers to exterminate the OLD FOOD MUN's little MUS MUSCULUS problem in exchange for some MONEY AND SLASH OR FOOD. The CAPTAIN is confident that someone willing to get their HANDS dirty should be able to clean up the RIOTOUS RODENTS post haste. (That someone to do the cleaning is, of course, the MERCENARY.)

The OLD FOOD MUN notes that the MICE seem to be taking care of their own business. The two VERMIN seem to be having a right old TUSSLE. Back and forth. Over and over. Gosh, the EXCITEMENT is figuratively MURDER.

The MERCENARY decides he has no CLUE as to what the DEAL is with these SKULLS. Stupid ANCIENT KNICKKNACKS.

>Build a better MOUSETRAP

Friday, April 7, 2017

373 - Retrieve SKULL from TRASH

Seven years pass. The same joke returns. The wheel keeps spinning, eternal.
The MERCENARY notices and extracts the JET AND SAPPHIRE SKULL from the WASTE RECEPTACLE. He looks at it sadly for a moment before holding it aloft and saying a few WORDS.

Apparently, this sort of thing is not uncommon.

>Barter for FOOD

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

372 - Enter the FOOD COURT

After what seems like a week of travel, the CAPTAIN and MERCENARY have arrived in the COURT OF FOODS. Two VENDORS hawk their presumably digestible WARES. To the left, a PRETZEL GIRL in the livery of "Quetzel Pretzel" appears to have PRETZELS (both SALTED and UNSALTED). To the right, an OLD FOOD MUN in the livery of "Food" has "FOOD."

Elsewhere in the room, you can see two TABLES, eight STOOLS, two pairs of SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS, a FLOOR CRACK, two MICE, a TOOTHBRUSH, and a WASTE RECEPTACLE.

Exits are WEST (back to the LOBBY), NORTH (into the HALL OF DEATHTRAPS), and EAST (to a UNISEX RESTROOM).

What do you do?


Monday, April 3, 2017

371 - Warn the OTHERS

The trip was long and difficult, but you've finally made it back to the GATES OF MOUSEHOLD. You saw the PORTENT, of that you can be sure. As KING of the MOUSETEC, it is your duty to see to the safety of your people in this HOUR OF DOOM.

You've always had your DOUBTS about whether the GYPSY WOMAN'S PROPHECY was accurate. What a fool you were to not take her seriously. But... perhaps it is not too late.

You confide in SCAR (your loyal, grizzled GUARDSMOUSE) about your WORRIES. He has always supported you, even helping you to get past those gnawing SUSPICIONS that there were some MICE within the KINGDOM that were trying to bring about the APOCALYPSE and destroy all that you have built. Haha, what foolish notions those were, eh?

All that's left is to warn your SUBJECTS and evacuate. Come on, SCAR. SCAR?

>Enter the FOOD COURT