Sunday, June 13, 2010

121-123 - Show him WHAT FOR!

121 - Show him WHAT FOR!
You switch your HAIR DRYER to the closest thing to a WHAT FOR setting--- TURBO HEAT.

JILL USES: TURBO HEAT! It's not very effective...
CANDAEMON USES: JOWL SHAKING LAUGHTER! It's super effective!
JILL LOSES 18 MORALE POINTS!
JILL FLEES!

122 - Check CHANGE SLOT
Perhaps you need to rethink your strategy. And what helps you think? Caffeine. You check the CHANGE SLOT for coins. There's something in there! What luck!

YOU GOT: 10 VARIOUS MONIES!

What a windfall (you guess)! This is sure some strange looking money. But you decipher its value and pop 5 VM into the MACHINE. With due diligence and attention to duty, the MACHINE spits out a CAN OF 1 UP. You scoop it up and pop it open so fast that it doesn't even have time to get a new turn.

You drink the ONE UP from the ONE UP CAN. You feel like you can take on the world! And while you feel like you would still most likely fail, you feel like you'd be able to take another crack at it consequence-free. Also, you feel more magical. Deja vu.

123 - Ask CANDAEMON about his EYE
You head back over to the MONOPTIC CANDAEMON and inquire as to why he's MONOPTIC. As you approach, he pulls out a STOP SIGN. You wisely stop moving before crossing THE LINE.

JILL: Hey, so, what happened to your EYE?
MC: There was an unfortunate accident involving a FUNNEL, some SUSHI, and a SMALL WAGER.
JILL: . . .
MC: You asked! Besides, I'd bet I'm not even supposed to be talking to you.
JILL: Why's that?
MC: Well, I'm supposed to eat anyone who emerges from that door over there, like you just did. At least I think you emerged from over there.... I have pretty bad DEPTH PERCEPTION.

(Meanwhile LIEUTENANT M. BISON works on solving a small conundrum he's discovered. It's obvious that you're pretty far underwater. Using a GENERAL WATER CLARITY MOCKUP he created in his FLUFFY BRAIN, he calculates that given the AMBIENT LIGHT from the SURFACE, as well as the OBSERVABLE ECOLOGICAL STRATUM, the TUNNEL is about 350 fathoms deep, or about 1500 feet. Given that, he quickly calculates an outside water pressure of 680 psi. How then, given this pressure, can the existent cracks (especially in the ostensibly GLASS TUNNEL) not cause a catastrophic pressure breach, flooding the TUNNEL? M. BISON cannot account for this discrepancy; his degree in MILITARY ENGINEERING is unable to solve this puzzle. He decides not to bring these questions to his SUPREME COMMANDER'S attention. She's busy enough.)

>Convert TRAFFIC CONE, DEAD FISH, and 5 VARIOUS MONIES into FUNNEL, SUSHI, and a SMALL WAGER

3 comments:

Chad said...

Convert a EMPTY JUG, DEAD FISH, and 5 VARIOUS MONIES into a FUNNEL, some SUSHI, and a SMALL WAGER.

Proceed to take out his other eye.

Tobias said...

Ditto, but use TRAFFIC CONE as FUNNEL.

Mike said...

i highly approve of this suggestion