Friday, May 28, 2010


You pause, momentarily taken aback by the thoughtless hypocrisy you might have committed. Who are you? What have you become? The thoughts flow quickly, raging, a torrent of emotion, comprehension, and grief over the path of darkness that may have overtaken you. Who are you? Are you the kind of person that would just go ahead and snag SOMETHING when no one was looking? NO! You are a MARSHAL, for the gods sakes, appointed by the people winds of fate to defend the DEFENSELESS! You are a PARAGON of UPRIGHTNESS and TRUSTWORTHINESS. Stealing is so far beneath you that you had to bury a grave for the grave that you originally placed it in to get extra downward distance; that's how far below you it is! You purge that thought from your MIND as soon as it enters, cursing your SUBCONSCIOUS, that it would or could even harbor such a THOUGHT! Who are you?

You are Marshal Rhys O'Callahan. And you and JUSTICE are holding hands, about to leave for a double date with CRIME and THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT. And if your GUN has anything to say about it, that element... is HOT LEAD

You emerge victory the mental battle!

You then imagine yourself in some SWEET PEANUT ARMOR, because, dang SKIPPY, that would be freaking sweet. You are PEANUT MAN (Dun-na-Na-na-Na-na-naa Na Na Naaaa)!

Yeah. The SHOPKEEPER will be back any second now.



Andrew said...

Originally, the mental struggle slash monologue was gonna be a lot more epic, but I spent a lot of time figuring out how to embed gifs for crude animation (and figuring out crude animation). I apologize to anyone who has problems with epilepsy, both for the EPIC MARSHAL picture above, and for the MANY STROBE-Y IMAGES which I'm sure will crop up. I'll try to avoid the full-panel strobes in the future.

Andrew said...

Additionally, I think PEANUT MAN is awesome.

Mike R said...

post epic inner monologue, retrieve rokkit juice can cause that just wont fly.

Jared said...

Use whatever VM you have to buy some peanut milk substitute, or else convince the shopkeep to help you aid the boars you shocked to near death with the firework by combining the rubber stopper and the bottle of peanut milk substitute to help feed the boars. Hopefully they live.