Thursday, April 29, 2010


Being a classically trained guitarist, there is nothing that you would like better than to grab that INSTRUMENT and throw out some sweet hot "Duo in G Op.34" by Ferdinando Carulli action (with an accompanist, of course). However, that is not, in fact, a SPANISH GUITAR. In point of fact, there are a number of things wrong with the description for this room.
  1. That instrument is actually a GUITARRĂ“N MEXICANO, not a SPANISH GUITAR.
  2. This group of performers should be called MARIACHI, not a "MARIACHI BAND," as the BAND is redundant. Also, why does the WELL-COIFED MARIACHI have a TRIANGLE? That's not a proper MARIACHI INSTRUMENT.
  3. This SOMMELIER should not be called such. On his TRAY is clearly a MIXED DRINK, not simply WINE, as would be a classical SOMMELIER'S sole job to procure, store, and serve.
  4. This is not a TABLE that you are standing on. It is the STARSHIP USS ENTABLEPRISE and you are its CAPTAIN. You have no idea why you hopped up here (except perhaps to boldly go where no man had gone before).
You approach the SHERIFF and begin questioning him about the CURRENT STATE OF WORLD AFFAIRS.

YOU: Hello, there.
SL: Howdy, son. Took yer sweet time in the bathroom, didn't ya?
YOU: What?
SL: You just came out that door over there, and I've been sittin here for near on twenty minutes and didn't see ya go in. Nothin back there but the restrooms. Ergo, ya'll was in the bathroom for at least that long. Q. E. D.
YOU: . . . 
SL: I mean, nothin to be ashamed about, sometimes you have to work a lot of things out, but---
YOU: So, how's the current state of world affairs?
SL: Well, not so good, son. President Rapsknuckle is doing all he can, but he's had to pull back most of his forces into THE CITY. Out here in the WEST, we've been left to deal with the BANDITS, REBELS, CANDAEMONS, and ASSORTED SUNDRY by ourselves. I can only imagine the troubles for folks in the NORTH, EAST, and SOUTH.
YOU: OK. Good luck with that.
SL: Thankfully, now that you're here, we can finally turn the tables. Yer the new MARSHALL, aren't ya? The one sent weeks ago from THE CITY to take out the BANDIT LEADER? The one who mysteriously never arrived until now and whose bones we thought that we'd found bleaching in tha DESERT?
YOU: (Guile attack!) . . . yes?
SL: (Success!) Good to know ya, MARSHALL! Glad that you could make it! I'm SHERIFF LEONE. What's yer name?

That's a dang fine question! What IS your name?



Joel said...

Robert Downey, Jr.!

Andrew said...

Really? There's maybe one more update before I leave for the weekend and you suggest "Robert Downey, Jr."? Really?

Andrew said...

All right, I'm gone for the weekend starting... at the end of this comment. You have three days to get me a good name for the Wicked Awesome Suit Person. Beyond that, feel free to leave as many suggestions for whatever as you'd like, as well as actual "comments," if you want to.

Have a good weekend!

brenderlin said...

Norton Ruffleberry

John Edwin Carrow

Edgar Rodriguez


Pierre Burroughs

Rhys O'Callahan

Jonathan Smyth-Meyers

Bruce Wayne

brenderlin said...

Actually don't do Jonathan Smyth-Meyers. That's too close to Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who is a real person. Who must have been in my head from creating Rhys O'Callahan.

But Rhys is a cool name isn't it? Did you know it means Dragon? You probably did, didn't you. Does Rhys-Avon mean Dragon-Bird?

Also, feel free to combine first and last names from above, and take them as my submission.

brenderlin said...

Oh, and Avon apparently means river, which makes more sense. So Rhys Avon means Dragon River.

Hooray for researching and figuring things out WAY TOO LATE.

Mike R said...

The Great Sir Cadungry mufflebotom the third.

Joel said...

Rhys O'Callahan Downey, Jr., III