OK. She thinks you're cute. Nothing to do now but take a deep breath and try to figure out what's going on.
ALAN: Thanks, Patience. Um, yes, I'm new here.
PW: Nice to see a new face. Or, actually, any face that's more than skull.
ALAN: Well, um, you seem knowledgeable. Will you show me around? Please?
PW: No problem! Not much to tell, really. This is the pub's main room. Manny makes some mean mixers, and he has a whole jar of pickles back behind the bar.
ALAN: ...pickles?
ALAN: ...pickles?
PW: The hall over there leads to the arcade, the bathrooms and the portal. The stairs there, behind Henry, they lead up to some kind of haunted house, but only the skeletons really go up there. They--- wait, how did you get in here, anyway? Us witches get a pass for the portal, but normal humans can't pass through without getting fried.
ALAN: Uh, well, I kinda traveled through time... into the wine cellar....
PW: Oh, OK. So just here for a drink?
ALAN: No. Um, actually, I need to get upstairs, I think. Into the haunted house.
ALAN: No. Um, actually, I need to get upstairs, I think. Into the haunted house.
PW: That might be a problem. Henry doesn't let anyone but skeletons get up there, and he's got a mean bullwhip tucked away somewhere.
ALAN: Oh.
PW: On the whole, you'll find most of the skeletons here to be pretty harmless. They mentioned something about someone killing somebody before I came in, but I haven't seen the body. The zombies are a bit more bitey, but the reformed ones usually keep themselves in check unless they see someone with a really madly smart brain.
ALAN: ...!
PW: Wait. Um... about your head...?
ALAN: It's an a-typical non-syndromic macrocephaly. Largely cosmetic, non-threatening. Possibly a developed stereotypical reinforcement attribute reflective of perceived intellect as opposed to something strictly genetic or environmental. I don't think my head was always this big.
PW: I didn't understand most of that. Still, you know what they say about guys with big heads.
ALAN: ...
PW: ...
ALAN: ...yes.
You blush uncontrollably. You do have trouble finding hats.
7 comments:
I wonder if this Alan had hat-envy for the Fedora/Hamburg-wearing Alan.
Chad was right: we'll have to do a bar trick or create an explosion. If Manny has pickles, we could probably do the fluorescing pickle trick by borrowing the sonic screwdriver and rewiring the TV... It's only a short step from there to overheating a pickle quickly enough to make it explode.
We should probably be courteous and buy Patience a drink for her kindness, maybe see what's on other TV channels than the 24-hour Test Pattern Network. Do we have any VM in our penny-loafers?
What's in the tea pot? Can we take a sword?
Due to some unresolved problems with the posting program, Wednesday's update is delayed. Sorry! The next update will be SUPER AWESOMELY COOL to compensate.
The update will include at least one pickle.
Well, then, of course it will be awesomely cool! What's cooler than a pickle?
^_^
Pick up remote control.
I am officially upgrading the awesomeness status of the next update to WICKED AWESOMELY COOL on account of additional problems plaguing the posting program. Sorry. If there's not one up on Friday night then I'll get the next one up as SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
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