Thursday, February 24, 2011

279 - Get PANTS


You dive across the room and throw on your LONG-SOUGHT PANTS with long practiced skill from long-repressed times of long ago involving frequent (if not constant) pants-ings in PRESCHOOL, ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, MIDDLE SCHOOL, HIGH SCHOOL and that one time during the song "SCHOOL" by NIRVANA on their "BLEACH" recording.

But you digress. Now's really not the time, is it?

PATIENCE is trying to hold the ABOMINATION at bay with her wide array of WITCHY MAGICKS (primarily FIREBALLS), but it is all too plain that this is a losing battle. Even tossing your DECOY BRAIN and now useless TROUSERS RADAR at the MONSTER seems to have been futile. Your TIME DEVICE slowly boots.

PATIENCE: Fireball! Do you have a plan here?
ALAN: Part of one.
PATIENCE: Fireball! What does that mean?
ALAN: I have a teleporter device here, but it can only teleport one person---*
PATIENCE: Acid Arrow! Then... Fireball! Dang it, Alan! Do something!
ALAN: And I can't come back with another device to pick you up since we're in a pocket universe---
PATIENCE: Magic Missile! Look, whatever you're going to do, do it quickly! I'm almost out of spells! Acid Splash!
ALAN: The device is done booting up! I guess... there's only one thing to do....

> Assess Options


*Note: Alan does not mention the fact that people in stasis do not count as people but as inventory objects, which was how the Alan in the Homburg hat was able to zip through time with Rhys (who was in stasis). He does not feel that this is necessary to tell Patience because (1) she never saw Rhys in stasis and (2) he has no means by which to put her into stasis anyway. Sorry to bother you!

14 comments:

Andrew said...

Oh man, oh man, oh man! What should Alan do???

Anonymous said...

Use TIME DEVICE to teleport ABOMINATION

Anonymous said...

Time travel out to the mirror maze 5 seconds in the past and SMASH MIRRORS.

Chad said...

Break the mirror on his pants finding device.

And/or start pouring potions down Patience's mouth. One of those has to either be a mana potion, or something badass.

Anonymous said...

Stop believing in Phantom Abomination. He isn't real if you don't believe in him! FORGET FORGET!

CageyJay said...

Open THERMOS.
Ask PATIENCE to confine ABOMINATION in THERMOS.
Put POSSESSED THERMOS in INVENTORY.
Teleport to ALAN-ROOM.
Give POSSESSED THERMOS to FUTURE ALAN WHO KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
Teleport back to PATIENCE to check on her wellbeing and retrieve INVENTORY.

CageyJay said...

Alternately:

Throw ABOMINATION the BONE.

Anonymous said...

there's no way out! give the WITCH your TELEPORTER. valiantly sacrifice yourself by teleporteing her to safety!

Anonymous said...

Second, travel back in time and brainwash PAST SELF into unknowingly carrying an ALBEDO-NEGATING SCIENCE POTION until this very moment.

First, use ALBEDO-NEGATING SCIENCE POTION on ABOMINATION.

(albedo=reflectiveness. Also, time travel FTW)

Alternately, distract the ABOMINATION so that PATIENCE can escape from the MIRROR UNIVERSE through the normal enterance. Use TIME DEVICE to escape at the last second.

Nixa said...

use BONE to PLAY FETCH with ABOMINATION

Nixa said...

Or what CageyJay said.

Anonymous said...

Rewired TIME DEVICE into SPACIAL DESTABILIZER. Collapse POCKET UNIVERSE.

Anonymous said...

Ask PATIENCE if she knows anything about ABOMINATION or MIRROR UNIVERSE, or why this creature would want so strongly for us to avoid her.

Anonymous said...

Ask PATIENCE to turn you into an INVENTORY OBJECT, use TIME DEVICE to escape and then return you to your NORMAL FORM.