Paddington must possess the donut.
Beyond his quest.
Beyond his friendship.
Beyond his very will to live.
Paddington must possess the donut.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
179 - Explain... more...
CAD: OK, bear with me here. I'm not actually his owner, really. I'm his operator. See, he's actually a robot Teddyborg. Or something. And---
GHG: How stupid do you think we are?
CAD: Which one of you? No, see, look at this sweet cybernetic eye I'm going to be installing in him when I get a chance! Robot! Totally!
GHG: Why you stupid---
PHG: Argh! Both of you, shut the f---
A HOVERSAUR bearing a CASTLE SOLDIER swoops down the stairs and stops before the GRIZZLED WARROR.
HR (HOVERSAUR RIDER): General! Thank goodness I found you.
GW (GENERAL? WARRIOR): Report.
HR: I escorted a duo of adventurers upstairs to rescue the Princess. While up there, I recieved word that a Mule Kick Air Cruiser was inbound.
GW: What? But we only sent out the distress signal an hour ago! Unless...
HR: Sir?
GW: Unless Mule Kick knew the Candimps were going to strike! If they're in league, we have no time to lose. Give me your Hoversaur. I need to get to the King immediately! Head back upstairs, help those adventurers save the Princess. Wizard! You need to get through the kitchen and rescue the Queen!
CAD: (Offscreen) Can't we just stand around for a few more turns and do nothing productive?
GW: NO! We need to move this plot along! Get to the beacon! I mean, get to the Queen!
PHG: A Mule Kick airship? They have shoot-on-sight instructions to deal with any Pirates for the Ethical Treatment of Teddys!
GHG: First mate, we've got to get back to the ship!
PHG: Yeah. But this isn't over, Wizard. We'll be back for the Hippo.
GHG: You've made a powerful enemy this day. Someday, we'll free all the Teddys. FOR FREEDOM!
PHG: FREEDOM!
DD: freeeeeedom!
They soar up toward the vaulted ceiling. There's probably, like, a window, or something up there. Probably. Is that really a concern for you guys right now? I mean, really? They have grappling guns like freaking Batman and you're interested in the architectural nuances of a freaking castle filled with Candimps and Hoversaurs? There are freaking dinosaurs with rockets for legs/feet! Gosh! You know what? Just for that, we're gonna do a quick cut-away somewhere else while I seethe. So...
Meanwhile....
MC (MULE CREWMAN): Captain, we're only fifteen minutes out from the castle, sir.
EE (EVIL EXECUTIVE): excellent. our plan continues on shed-ule. so much depends upon... it. MWAHAHAHA!
CADUNGERY MUFFINBOTTOM III stands in the same room where he has been, along with PADDINGTON SATCHMO HIPPOPOTAMUS I and THE TEDDY WHALE. His (Cad's) mission to save the QUEEN (Remember? We agreed?) is once again free from obstacles. What will he do?
Friday, September 3, 2010
178 - Cast and present FAKE DOCS
You quickly and discreetly cast FAKE DOCS, creating an impressive SET OF CREDENTIALS which prove, indisputably, that you are the owner of your sweet bro PAD.
CAD: Yeah, I didn't kidnap Paddington Satchmo Hippo. These papers prove that I'm his rightful owner. Maybe you're the kidnappers, eh?
PHG: OK. But...
GHG: You realize that ownership of the Teddys is exactly what we're fighting against, right? And that we do plan on kidnapping them if needed to free them, right?
CAD: Of course I understa--- oh. OK. Give me a second here.
Nothing else interesting is happening here, so let's see how our friend the zombie UN-TED is doing.
He seems to be making friends.
177 - Look to the EAST in SHOCK
You gasp in shock and look to your left, dropping the WHALE behind you.
CAD: Who are you?
PHG (PINK HAIRED GIRL): We are the sky pirates of P.E.T.T, the Pirates for the Ethical Treatment of Teddys!
CAD: Teddys? Like, the lingerie?
PHG: No, you idiot! Like the Teddy Animals!
CAD: What are you doing here? There's some kind of war or something going on.
PHG: No, you idiot! Like the Teddy Animals!
CAD: What are you doing here? There's some kind of war or something going on.
PHG: Well, since you asked, I'm the roguish airship pirate first mate of the airship "Freedomancer", and I've been sent here to rescue that Teddy Whale over there, which we use to power the air-dinghy from our air-ship. She's angsty because of her overbearing mother and has fled to rethink her rash decision, taking a vast fortune with her, which she stores in her stomach. I'm probably going to have to kill you, since I think you probably kidnapped her or led her to leave or something, along with that poor, tortured Teddy Hippo behind you there.
CAD: What? Seriously?
PHD: No, I'm kidding. Do you really think airships are be powered by whales? Whales and flower pots can't fly! They know that! What kind of fool are you, buddy?
CAD: I'm the awesome kind. If you're not here for the whale, then---
PHD: No, no, we are here for the whale. And the hippo. And the two other Teddys that have been spotted here, subservient in the castle. It is our sworn duty to free them!
GHD (GREEN HAIRED DUDE): Freedom!
DD (DROOLING DOCTOR): freeeeeedom!
PHD: Freedom! So, anyway, just hand over the Hippo and the Whale and no one gets hurt.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
176 - Roll WHALE over EDGE
Having beaten the CANDIMPS, you revel, revel in your victory. In thanks for your assistance, the RICH YOUNG WHALE coughs up 23 VARIOUS MONIES (which you collect immediately). You also scoop up the SWEET CYBORG EYE from the STAIRS.
Looking down over the RAILING, you see that the floor below (some kind of large FOYER (foy-ay)) has a few inches of water covering it. Well, water is the WHALE'S natural environs, right? Better toss her down. You scoop up the WHALE (which you can do since you're stronger, nay, better than a freakin' MAGE) and prepare to chuck her.
CAD: FREE WILLY!
VOICE TO THE RIGHT: What are you doing? Put her down!
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