219 - Place COINS in EYES

You close his EYES and make him a bit more presentable. You might not of known him, but he deserves some DIGNITY in death. At least two VARIOUS MONIES' worth of DIGNITY. You resist the urge to say a few words.

On a hunch, you flip the BUSINESS CARD.

Creepy.

Still, ya got another VM burning a hole in your pocket and a AUTOMATIC FORTUNE TELLER whose PRICE is just right. Should you try to speak to the dead with Madame Nadiya's help? What would you even ask the DEAD? With your current level of fiscal liquidity, you only have one shot at this, so whatever it is, better keep it simple. The FORTUNE CARDS these things print aren't exactly the length of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE.

>Query the DEAD

218 - Poke and search BODY

First things first. You poke the CORPSE with your BRUSHERHANG. Before, you were unaware of what a BRUSHERHANG could possibly be good for. Now you know: it's good at poking!

Anyway, yeah, he's dead.

You carefully use the BRUSHERHANG to pull everything out of his POCKETS. Despite your perpetual lack of HOPE, you nevertheless HOPE for SOMETHING GOOD.

Inside his pockets you discover:

• A small REVOLVER (DERRINGER)
• Four empty BULLET CASINGS (inside the gun)
• Two unused BULLETS (inside the gun)
• Three VARIOUS MONIES
• One BUSINESS CARD

Hmm. It appears the forcibly right-handed MAN was named "Charlemagne Belial." Poor fellow. Upon close inspection, it appears his HAND was cut off very shortly before he died, but the wound was not the cause of death. There are no other obvious INJURIES on the BODY. If you had to guess a cause of death... he died... of DEATH.

You're not a freakin' FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR, geez. If you had to guess something specific though, you'd say he looked like he died of FRIGHT. Less than an hour ago, at that.

Hmm....

>Place COINS in EYES

217 - Head to the HAUNTED HOUSE

You hang a left inside the gate, opting to head to the HAUNTED HOUSE first. You feel... oddly drawn there... though you can't tell any specific reason why. A cold chill briefly touches you before you quickly dismiss it as some idle fancy.

As you pull into the narrow alley beside the FACTORY which leads toward your destination, a CONFEDERBOT gestures for you to stop. You pull up and jaw for a piece (or "talk" as some might say).

RHYS: Reckon's a matt'r?

CB: THE HAUNTED HOUSE CANNOT BE ACCESSED.

RHYS: Whut in tarnation? I got a deliv'ry to make!

CB: WARNING! ACCESS MAY CAUSE DAMAGE TO USER! CONTINUE? CANCEL?

RHYS: Continue! Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, robut.

CB: AFFIRMATIVE. ACCESS GRANTED.

You pull forward.

The road twists a bit between walls, buildings and barricades. It doesn't look like anyone's been back here for some time....

....is it getting darker?

The desert night is cold, as they are wont to be. But this chill, this new ice hanging in the air. A wispy fog--- is it really there or just a cloud in your mind?

A shiver.

You pull up in front of the BUILDING and hop out.

What... what happened here?

You are standing outside the FORT FERRIS HAUNTED HOUSE beside your stolen TRUCK. On the ground near you is a DEAD MAN, his face petrified with cold fear, his LEFT HAND missing, replaced with a small POOL OF BLOOD. It looks fresh. A pair of CRACKED GLASSES are beside him on the ground.  A FORTUNE TELLING MACHINE featuring "MADAM NADIYA" sits up against the WALL, as does a small AUDIO LOG RECORDER. Against one of the doors leans a "CLOSED" SIGN.

An ajar DOOR leads NORTH into the BUILDING. The path EAST, from which you drove in, watches you absently.

What do you do?

>Poke and search BODY

216 - Look at the MAP

What the heck? Glancing around, it looks like the MAP is accurate, but what are all these scribbled COMMENTS? Did COLONEL FERRIS just hand out copies of his own marked-up MAP? Geez. It looks like he wants his FORT to be a family-friendly AMUSEMENT PARK celebrating robotic rebellion against the UNION STATES. Dang. That's pretty crazy.

OK, so there are five four VENDING MACHINES. One is in the MESS HALL, one is in the OFFICER'S QUARTERS, one is in the... HAUNTED HOUSE, and one is in "MY CONSERVATOIRE." The deranged man's ultra top-secret war room could be anywhere, but seriously, it's probably in that CONSERVATORY, the "ANGER DOME."

Man, he sucks at MS PAINT. And spelling.

SERGEANT NJÖRÐR pipes up in your ear piece. "Where to, Marshall?"

>Head to the HAUNTED HOUSE

215 - Guile Attack the GATE!

Good thing you have a Class A Commercial Driver's License!

As you approach the GATE, the CONFEDERBOTS guarding it flag down your TRUCK. With a TOOTHPICK stuck in your mouth, you pull out your best TEXAN ACCENT and start your GUILE ATTACK.

CB: STOP. GET QUERY: CAN I HELP YOU.

RHYS: Howdy, y'ole galoot! I's here fer the Mule Kick d'liv'ry!

CB: DRIVERS NOT RECOGNIZED.

RHYS: The ole driv'r lit out right quick when they poked him stealin' a can fer his starvin' family's vittles.

CB: SYNTAX ERROR.

RHYS: Now don't y'all think there's no catty whompus!

CB: SYNTAX ERROR!

RHYS: Well, shucks! Now I'm gettin' fit to be tied! Look here ya blinky clabber milk! I'm fixin' ta have conniptions if ya don't let me do ma job, I swan!

CB: FLAGRANT SYSTEM ERROR! REBOOTING.

RHYS: Well dangnamit! You plug-ugly ole cuss! If you and yer squaddies don't let me do me job just because yer wore out, well that's just wolverine mean, leaving me like a one legged man at a county butt-kicking contest with his ranch hangin' on the line! Dad gum it! Yer fixin' to be dumber than two rocks in a spittin' contest tryin' ta herd cats through an agger-vated blue norther!

CB: STOP. STOP. STOP. IF YOU STOP TALKING THEN GO INSIDE. JUST GO.

RHYS: Well shoot! That's all ya had ta say. Say, can ya gimme a map markin' the vendin' machines before I head over yonder?

CB: PRINT MAP.

RHYS: Mighty fine, mighty fine. Thank ya' kindly.

GUILE ATTACK SUCCESSFUL!

YOU GOT: FORT FERRIS VENDING MACHINE MAP!

The CONFEDERBOTS part and you pull into the FORT.

>Look at the MAP